The One Where the Chick & the Duck Go to the Farm
by FictionWriter91
Summary: When Chandler discovers the fate of the fowls, he goes to great lengths to keep his best friend Joey from knowing the truth so as to spare him the grief. From lying about what's in the box to making up an imaginary farm to having not one but two burials in his future in-law's backyard, will he be able to pull it off? ONE-SHOT


**Another one-shot for you folks! This idea struck me this afternoon, and I wanted to share it. Hope you enjoy!**

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Chandler yawned as he came out of the bedroom he now shared with Monica. He stretched his arms as he made his way to the kitchen. Monica was already up and cooking something that was making his mouth water. He smiled as she bustled around, flipping one thing and stirring another. He loved living here. He loved that she wanted him to live here, as long as he didn't mess up too much stuff, which he was very careful of. He loved that she was now his fiance. It was an amazing feeling.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said to her, making her look at him and smile.

"Hello to you too," she replied, tucking her hair behind her ear. Chandler leaned back in his chair, stretching his spine.

"Hey you guys," Joey said, coming in. "Question, is the chick supposed to just sit around like this?"

"What?" Chandler asked, growing concerned.

"Come see," Joey said. Chandler followed. Monica stayed behind since she wasn't a huge fan of the fowls anyway. Joey led him to where the chick/rooster was indeed just sitting and blinking.

"I can't get her to do anything," Joey told him, worried.

"First, it's a him. How many times do we have to discuss that? Second, maybe he's just tired," Chandler said. He had a bad feeling about the whole thing. The duck was standing in a corner, wiggling its tail anxiously and watching.

"I gotta get to work, but I wondered if you could check up on her-him?" Joey corrected.

"Yea, sure," Chandler agreed. The rooster closed its eyes then. Oh God. Joey grabbed his coat and keys and headed out the door. Chandler was left squatting there and looking at his beloved little chicken grown rooster. He knew this day would come.

"What's going on?" Monica asked from the door. "You didn't come back."

"I think the chick is dying," Chandler answered.

"Oh my," Monica said.

"Yea. I'm to check later, but I'm pretty sure I know what I'm gonna find," Chandler told her, standing up. He passed the duck and gave it a pat on the head.

"Shouldn't you dispose of it now?"Monica asked.

"It's not dead yet," Chandler admonished.

"Oh, right," Monica said sheepishly. "Sorry." They walked back over together.

"Poor Joe," Chandler sighed. "First I leave now this. He's gonna break."

"What if he doesn't find out?" Monica asked.

"How the hell is he not gonna know his rooster died?" Chandler demanded.

"Well, my parents told us that Chichi was sent to a farm, which Ross still believes by the way," Monica explained. "We could use the same theory on Joey."

"He's gullible enough," Chandler mused. "And Ross, really? I didn't know he was that stupid."

"He was a kid," Monica scoffed.

"So were you!"

"I was more intuitive," Monica snorted. "That and I saw them carry the dead dog to the car."

"Oh, Monica," Chandler empathized.

"I know things die," Monica said, getting teary and turning away. Chandler hugged her from behind.

"I'll check in a few hours," he said. "Then we'll go from there."

 **Later**

"Oh boy," Chandler groaned, seeing the poor rooster lying on the floor. The duck was in hysterics running around. He found a box from his old room and gently lifted the rooster up and placed it inside wrapped in a towel. He carried the box over to his apartment.

"Is that it?" Monica asked, eyeing the box.

"Yes," he nodded.

"What are you going to do with it?"

"I thought I'd bury him. Give him a proper send off," Chandler answered.

"I could make a nice roast chicken with that," Monica mused.

"MON!"

"Sorry, sorry! I'm a chef and an opportunist you know," she told him as he shielded the box from her.

"What's going on?" Phoebe asked, coming into the apartment.

"The chick has died," Monica replied. Phoebe gasped, covering her mouth with a hand.

"What about the duck?" she asked.

"He's freaking out," Chandler answered. On cue, they could hear the duck quacking loudly across the hall.

"They should be together," Phoebe said sadly.

"What do you suggest, that I tackle the duck and bury him in the box with the chick?" Chandler asked sarcastically.

"No. You'd kill him first obviously. Burying him alive is just cruel," Phoebe scoffed. Chandler stared at her.

"I'm not killing the duck!" he shouted.

"Okay, okay," Phoebe said. "Relax."

"Just back off," Chandler said to her.

"What are you gonna tell Joey?" Phoebe asked, worried.

"That the chick went to a farm because he was homesick," Chandler explained.

"Oohh good idea," Phoebe nodded.

"A farm that apparently Ross still believes in as well," Chandler went on, giving Monica a smirk.

"Ross believes in the farm?!" Phoebe asked, laughing.

"Yes! Don't ruin it for him," Monica responded, exasperated.

"Hey guys," Joey said, entering suddenly. "What's in the box?" Chandler started freaking out.

"Uh, um," he stuttered. "It's from my old bedroom." Which wasn't a lie. That was where he had gotten the box from.

"Ah," Joey said, smirking. "Your old porn collection." He winked at Chandler.

"Um, right," Chandler agreed, not looking at Monica, who was shooting him daggers. Phoebe held a hand over her mouth to stop from laughing.

"How's the chick? Still depressed?" Joey asked, raiding Monica's fridge.

"You know what, I discovered the problem," Chandler said.

"Oh yea?" Joey's head popped up.

"Yea. He was really homesick for a farm. You know, the fresh air, the fields, the hens. I took him there and he was so much happier," Chandler finished.

"Aww I didn't get to say goodbye," Joey whined.

"It was for the best, Joe," Chandler said convincingly.

"You're right," Joey agreed after a moment. "I'll miss him. At least I still have the duck."

"Yup," Chandler nodded. He wanted to get the box out of his apartment and stat.

"You gonna take that porn and burn it?" Monica asked, giving him a look.

"Oh. Yea! Yea," Chandler said, mentally thanking her for an escape. "Off we go."

"I'll take it if you don't want it," Joey said.

"NO!" Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler all shouted. Joey raised his brows, surprised.

"Okay, okay," he said.

"Hurry, honey," Monica said. "Just having it on my kitchen table is making me sick!"

"I'm going!" Chandler shouted, grabbing the box and running for his life.

"I'll help!" Phoebe called, racing after him.

"What is with those two?" Joey asked Monica.

"Who knows," she shrugged.

 **Jack & Judy Geller's House**

"Chandler?" Judy asked, stunned. "What a surprise."

"Hi," he said. "This is really awkward, but I have a huge favor to ask of you."

"Um, okay," she said reluctantly.

"My friend's pet died, and I would like to bury it in your backyard," Chandler said quickly.

"What's going on?" Jack asked, coming up behind Judy.

"Don't make me repeat that," Chandler begged.

"He wants to bury a dead pet in our yard," Judy explained to Jack, who frowned.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I can't just start digging holes in Central Park people get mad," Chandler told them. Phoebe snorted behind him.

"What kind of pet?" Jack asked.

"Does it matter?!"

"If it's going in my yard, yes," Jack replied.

"It's a rooster," Phoebe chimed in.

"A rooster?" Judy asked. "Who on earth keeps a pet rooster?"

"Joey," Phoebe answered.

"Ah, that makes sense," Judy nodded. She moved aside. "Come on."

"Why didn't Monica cook it?" Jack asked.

"Oh she wanted to," Chandler shuddered. "I said no."

"Strange," Jack muttered. He led Chandler and Phoebe out to the back and handed Chandler a shovel.

"Does Joey know?" Judy asked, curious.

"We told him it went to a farm," Phoebe explained.

"Ah the farm. We told the kids that's where Chichi went," Jack laughed. "They still don't know the truth, so don't say anything."

"I surely won't!" Chandler exclaimed. He started digging. It took a little while to get a proper sized hole, and Phoebe had to take over after ten minutes. Chandler set the box in the hole, and they all stared at it.

"Should we say something?" Phoebe asked. They all looked at each other.

"Seems odd not to," Jack commented. Not that this itself wasn't odd at all.

"Farewell, dear chick," Chandler started. "You came into our lives as a product of a commercial, and you left it after almost three years and turning from a hen to a rooster. You will be missed."

"I can't top that," Phoebe said.

"I didn't know it at all," Judy told them.

"I feel weird," Jack said.

"I think what I said is enough," Chandler nodded. He started burying the hole. Once he was finished, he thanked the Gellers, and he and Phoebe left.

 **Two Days Later**

Chandler headed over to Joey's to hang out, but Joey was gone when he arrived. The duck had been sick and yakking all over the apartment. This wasn't a good sign in Chandler's opinion.

"Chandler! Thank God!" Rachel shouted, rushing out of the bathroom.

"What? What?!" he asked, panicked.

"It's the duck," she said, pointing. Chandler pushed past and went into the bathroom. The duck was lying in the tub motionless.

"Is it dead?" she asked, peering over his shoulder.

"It's like _Where the Red Fern Grows_ around here," Chandler muttered.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"You know, when the one dog dies after the other one does because it was heart broken?" Chandler asked.

"Right," Rachel nodded. "Wait, the chick died?! When?!"

"Two days ago, and don't say anything to Joey!"

"I won't!" she cried. "But won't he know they're gone?"

"I told him the chick went to a farm because it was homesick. Guess I'll have to say the duck missed the chick and had to go too," Chandler groaned. This was just perfect.

"Wait, how did you not know the chick was gone?" Chandler asked, curious.

"I thought he was over at your place," Rachel answered, feeling stupid.

"Logical explanation," Chandler agreed.

"Here," Rachel said, handing him another towel. He scooped the duck up and hurried over to Monica's.

"There you ar-whoa!" Monica shouted, seeing the duck.

"I know, I know," Chandler panted. "Get me another box. Quick!"

"Really? Smoked duck is quite good..."

"EW!" Rachel shrieked.

"Mon, enough with wanting to eat the pets," Chandler told her.

"Fine, fine," Monica exhaled loudly. "You people are really naive as to where your food comes from aren't you?"

"Just get the box," Chandler ordered. Monica stalked off to get it.

"Oh this is so sad," Rachel said tearfully.

"You hated them both," Chandler pointed out.

"Not all the time," she corrected.

"Hey guys," Ross said, entering. "Whoa, what's that?" He pointed at the duck.

"Oh, he's, uh, sleeping," Chandler said. "He's not well. I'm taking him to the vet."

"Okay," Ross laughed nervously. "You had me going there for a second!"

"Ross..." Rachel started.

"I think he needs to go to the farm with the chick," Chandler interrupted. "They really do need fresh air. The vet will agree."

"Yea. Our old dog, Chichi, went to a farm," Ross sighed. "I missed her a lot." Rachel stared at him with her eyes wide then at Chandler. She understood.

"Here," Monica said, setting a box down so Chandler could place the duck inside.

"Thanks sweetie," Chandler said, kissing her. "We're off to the vet!" Monica understood his meaning and kept her mouth shut. Chandler left with the box under his arm. He met Phoebe on the stairs.

"Oh no!" Phoebe cried, seeing him. "Not the duck too!"

"Yea, it's a slaughterhouse over there," Chandler said. "Don't let Joey get anymore pets."

 **Jack & Judy Geller's House**

Judy was surprised to see him again so soon. Then she saw the box.

"Again?" she asked dryly.

"Well you see, apparently they were very close," Chandler explained. "May I?"

"I suppose," she said, letting him in. He dug a hole next to the chick and buried the duck as quick as he could.

"Thanks," he said to her as he went out the front door. He breathed a big sigh of relief. He had successfully spared Joey of losing his pets. It was a job well done.

 **Later**

"The duck is gone!" Joey shouted, bursting into Monica's apartment. Chandler looked up at him.

"Yea, bud. He really missed the chick, so I took him to the farm so they could be together," Chandler told him.

"Oh," Joey said, relieved. "I thought he like died or something. That's great news!"

"Sure is," Chandler said, wincing inside.

"Well, I'm off," Joey said after stealing one of Monica's treats from the counter. Chandler sighed once he was gone.

"You okay?" Monica asked.

"Yea. I feel bad for lying, but he's happy, right?"

"He is. Maybe one day we'll tell him," Monica said.

"No. I think it's best he imagines them happy and carefree on a beautiful farm," Chandler replied. He looked at her, and she kissed him heartily.

"You're a good friend," she told him after, giving him another kiss. Chandler smiled as she left to continue baking. He sat back in his chair thinking about it. He could picture the farm clearly and see them racing around chasing each other. It was the best image to have, and he was glad that was what he had given Joey.


End file.
